DestroyedAngel (dstroyedangel) wrote,

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rapture tastes so sweet


oh gosh yeah I was right about yesterday Tavit was gettin to the point of something serious, and I kept trying to push it away in various ways and he didnt notice it and whatnot, I dont want him to tell me that he loves me- I was really afraid he would but he didnt but I know he feels it and I know he's real close to sayin it too...All I know is that I'm not the girl to say it first, to me its strange cause I mean we've been together for like basically 6 months and he hasnt said it so it makes me wonder but I'm comfortable with the way things are. I mean with valentino and my other ex's I swear before the end of the first month we'd be saying it to each other and stuff and I wasnt and its not that I'm scared of the l-word, I'm scared of the love cause of him, I dont know if I want him to love me. So many times when I leave I always say to my friends I love you, and I cant say it to him, via voice/email/text or anything and I have to watch myself cause I have almost slipped so many times. Its not a whole frontin or drama act and whatnot but its just I dont want to push things further than they already are... Even though I was slightly disappointed he didnt feel as deep for me as I felt for him but to me its ENOUGH that I know I love him...that is enough- <3<3<3

•.·´`•..·´`•Im sick of looking into your eyes, they wont stop lying•..·´`•.·´`• says:
are u awkward cause your not sure how you feel, or because you don’t feel the same way or... I mean sorry to be putting you on the spot like this I mean I just wish you'd be more open with me
Phospho says:
I’m awkward cause first, I don’t want to scare u, second, I don’t want to say something to make u like freak out and your thoughts drive u crazy, third I don’t want to sound like a pussy, fourth I do know how I feel I just don’t know how to say the things I feel without making u freak out...and uhm...maybe there’s more I don’t know
Phospho says:
cause I know from experience, whenever I say something relating to this topic, girls interpret shit and microscope it and analyze everything I say, or what I’m trying to mean by it, maybe I’m afraid you'll mistake me and like get mad and then it’ll cause problems! hey that’s it!
•.·´`•..·´`•Im sick of looking into your eyes, they wont stop lying•..·´`•.·´`• says:
*dissects and analyzes what tavit just said* hahahahha.... lol
Phospho says:
how bout this
Phospho says:
heres the real reason
Phospho says:
the 100 percent truth
Phospho says:
•.·´`•..·´`•Im sick of looking into your eyes, they wont stop lying•..·´`•.·´`• says:yea
Phospho says:
whenever I say how I feel, or how much I care, I get walked all over cause the opposite sex knows they can do it cause they know how much I care, so it could possibly be that I’m shielding myself from you in this area because I’m afraid it’ll backfire like it has in my relationships, and the relationships I've seen in my life, I think I’m showing how I care through what I do for u and how I do them....
Phospho says:
...know what I mean,
Phospho says:
ok, cause I know myself what I said isn’t bad....even though I don’t say things n whatnot, just know that I care so much about u and that I wouldn’t do shit to hurt u ok, please understand
Im sick of looking into your eyes, they wont stop lying•..·´`•.·´`• says:
when, if ever, things are right and stuff you'll be comfortable enough to put your shields down and if not then I’ll understand
Phospho says:
I am comfortable, don’t say that, I know I CAN SAY IT I just haven’t said how I exactly feel

I wake up at 9:30 and I'm effing tired yeah so I fall back asleep but khouloud or well I'ma call her loody, yeah came over and whatnot so we hung out for a bit and shit, yeah I was going home with her to go the salon cause she told me it was tight... So yeah it was fun hanging out with her since we dont hang out anymore hehehe so yeah I got my eyebrows done-they look nice and while I was at it I wanted to try henna or mehindi and it was effing CHEAP but it was sooo nice

My hand

My hand again

My hand again... lol

My hand just dancing around...

This is how it looked like in the end, it'll turn red or somethin, I want it BROWN or BLACK thou... its an experience, wiat I just told my mom n she FREAKED out on me and told me how she thought it was blah---yeah I cant wait to see her reaction when I get my belly button pierced... hahahhahaha

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