DestroyedAngel (dstroyedangel) wrote,

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what will tommorow bring...

well things have been weird since last night... I dont know I was doing fine and all, and then I dunno I was listening to 3eb which for some reason I totally missed. Tavit went to eat dinner and just burst, I just started listening and COULDNT stop crying and I was thinking about him... Scared to lose him, scared he'd really love me, scared I'd hurt him and put him up for disappointment alongside myself...

He comes back from dinner and he's like totally worried and wondering whats gonna happen between us. I told him nothing was wrong but he sensed it in my voice, he thought it was someone else but I told him there wasnt, he thought I wanted to break up but that wasnt the case either... I dont know I was worried like I love him with my everything right now and I was thinking about tommorow, about the future that he has to take things seriously, that he has to make something outta himself otherwise its gonna be hella hard for us be together. It'll be criticisms upon me from myself, upon him, from my family, from friends and so on and its not that they OWN me or influence my every decision but I respect and love them thats why I wouldnt wanna do anything irrational.
Its easier to say fuck it, then to care about other people, honesty... We just kept talking the night away and he was telling me about various chicks who like hit on him and the works but he pushed em away for me, I was all like XD!he's like when people are gonna as us how we met up one day what are we gonna say I was like and we both were laughin, I really felt that he effing cared about me, I know he does and it scares me as much as it makes me happy. I've never been so scared in my life about something, I guess I just care so incredibly much and want this work. I know that no matter what happens, he'll mean beyond words to me cause I live deep inside of you...<3<3

I feel bad for my soldier, she's going through so much and I'm not even there for her, I'll try to write her an email in a lil after I do my calc hw... when I cried last night I knew how she felt and god it feels so empty, so horrible so lost so hopeless like nothing means anything and you just dont care anymore, numbness...I love you and no matter what happens you've got me here to talk to and I'm gonna help you through this I promise...

Thank you to ma skank da_shadysapien hahaha jus kiddin for helpin out- D12 OWNS!
TARA!!!tarii ty so much for my new layout babe...

If I'm killed by the questions like a Cancer, then I'll be buried in the silence of the Answer
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