DestroyedAngel (dstroyedangel) wrote,

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I havent been this scared in a long time

Thank you and lots of love to my linkin park soldiers and friends who're out caring for me, you mean the world to me...

Well after midnight insanity of checkin up on college's and whatnot I washed my face and sat in my bed thought of some religious stuff that cleared my mind and I just sat down and cried my heart out and talked to God. I know he listened to me, I fell asleep a few minutes later...

I woke up and I was alright, well I only got 2 hours of sleep I guess that doesnt count- I supposedly had a help session for calc this morning but when I went no one was there that was annoying!!! errrr... Then I went to check my mail since Tavits been telling me to go and check so I checked and yes I got mail :) That really did brighten my morning...n what are the odds but he asked me if I was alright... I was like yeah...

Blah the day was just spent doing not much hanging around, cleaning up and sleeping and yeah I dont know I ordered food and I ate like 1/2 of it and my nervousness came over me again and the madness is killing me, crying n on the edge of taking out the blade... Is something wrong with me, or am I being realistic?
This helplessness is part of my disease that chooses to consume me...God I just saw Tavit post some rhyme up on the message boards and I couldnt help but to cry I think its directed towards me...fuck this boy has got talent and I've just realized I'm gonna stay with him no matter what happens he can crumble me, destroy me, he's real

alright, now listen up for a check of reality
quit playing your fucking games and show yourself to me
you think im blind, de-railed, illusioned and decieved
when im the one forsaken regreted to believe
all the pressure crushes my crainium
about 13 thouand pounds of undeveloped titanium
living in my dark asylum my prisonish hell
murder 14 corpses and be the king of my cell
I propell into my fix of rendered time collapse
back tracks the spot of my final spinal taps
all you do is fake me, break me and take me
you mistake me, yet alone embrace me, escape me
dilate me, fornicate me, and chase me
I hate me, yet alone you hate me
you dont admit thee, you hide see,
keep thinkin that one plus one IS three
cause im a kamikaze, dear god me
I need some help, please get me to a facility
Your killin me, lieing to my face G
And I thought, we were together B
Boo, scared ya face and now you scared my life
Fucked up mistake and now i pay the price
This is not right, cant hide behind the light
Behind the curtain you put a good show
Ladies and gentlemen here comes the scum
Yet alone the bum, that lost everything they fought for
And now your with the rest beginning to start from scratch
You aint got the elements to start somethin new in the batch
You cant hatch to get what you had, to bad and so sad
stay in the bag and dont eject, shit whatever happend to your respect
project the mind and deliver the luck
everyone think of your past relationships and how it got fucked

Dont ever depend on me to follow through on anything but I'd go through hell for you and...I havent been this scared in a long time, and I'm so unprepared to here's your valentine, bouquet of clumsy words a simple melody this world's an ugly place but your so beautiful to me
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